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英语搞笑话剧剧本
英语搞笑话剧剧本（一）
从前，一个巫婆有一双臭脚，人们都很讨厌。所以，她想找一个人换掉她的双脚。
有一天她来到"香国" .她发现，人人都有双香脚。一天王子午睡，巫婆用自己的臭脚换了王子的香脚。
有一位公主，她总是失眠。虽然国王和王后在尝试了很多方法，她还不能睡觉。国王和王后陛下非常担心自己的女儿。
最后，他们就发现了一个方法：每当公主无法入睡，她只需要嗅觉王子的臭脚，然后她将睡得很好。
最后王子和公主很幸福的生活在一起。
人物
Ada: Little girl
Candy: Queen
Evander: King
Evelyn
Joel: Prince
Rita: Singer /Woman
Yilina: Witch
Summary
Once upon a time…A witch had a pair of stinky feet. They were very disgusting. So, she wanted to find a person to change her feet.
And one day she flied to "Fragrance Country". She found everyone there had a pair of fragrant feet. And the prince had the most fragrant pair of feet. The prince took a nap and snored under the tree. At that time, the witch exchanged her own stinky feet with the prince’s fragrant feet.
There was a princess who couldn’t sleep in "Beauty Country". Although the king and the queen tried many methods, she still couldn’t sleep. The king and the queen were very worried about their daughter.
And then, they discovered a perfect method for the princess to fall asleep: Whenever the princess couldn’t sleep, she only had to smell the prince’s stinky feet, and then she would sleep very well. In the end, the prince and the princess lived happily together.
SCENE I
（One afternoon, a girl, Ada, is reading a book）
Ada: Oh~ what an interesting story! Once upon a time…A witch had a pair of stinky feet. They smelt worse than stinky tofu. They were very disgusting. So, she wanted to find a person to change her feet.
Ada: And one day she flied to "Fragrance country". She found everyone there had a pair of fragrant feet. And the prince had the most fragrant pair of feet. The prince took a nap and snored under the tree.
Witch: （screaming and laughing and dancing）I’m the most perfect witch who has both beauty and intelligence. More and more people fall for my…my … feet! Oh no, my feet! I’m such a charming witch, but why do my feet stink so much? Everyone faints when they smell my feet. The smell of my feet can kill mice. Oh, I don’t want to live. I want to fly away!
（Flying to the Fragrance country）
Witch: （Crying） I hate my feet! I hate my feet! （in a low voice） Ha-ha, what’s the smell? It smells so sweet. （Searching） Oh. What a handsome boy. （Come closer and take a deep breath） Oh, oh, oh, why do his feet have such a sweet smell? It’s just not fair! （Angrily） Not fair! Look, he’s sleeping and snoring. Let me exchange my feet with his! （Doing magic and laughing loudly） Oh, my feet. You smell so sweet! Now I’m really the most charming witch. （Fly away）
Prince: （Asleep and dreaming） Oh! What a beautiful girl you are! You are my only one – my dear princess.
Prince: （Wake up!） Oh~ what’s wrong? What a bad smell!! The room smells of stinky tofu. Is it my table? My hand? My chair? My head? Or my window? Oh no! It’s my feet. I have a pair of stinky feet. How did it happen? （Hold on to his head.）（Run away） I can’t believe it!
-
SCENE II
（The prince is walking and sees some crows on the way.）
Prince: Oh~ there are many crows.
Crow A: Please go away…
Crow B: Quickly! It’s full of bad smell here.
Crows: We are going to die, because your feet are too disgusting.
Prince: Oh! I am so sorry…My feet cause you much trouble…Sorry~!
（Prince continues to walk. He sees some flowers.）
Prince: Hum~ I like the perfume of flowers.
Flower A: Oh! I can’t live without fresh air.
Flower B: Keep your feet far away from us, please.
Flowers: Your feet are too disgusting.
Prince: Why does everyone dislike me? I am so sad and I am sorry for making you feel bad.
（Prince continues to walk.）
Prince: What can I do? I want my sweet-smelling feet back.
（Many strangers are buying from vendors on the road.）
Stranger A: Did you step in something? Check your shoes.
Stranger B: Oh! Don’t talk nonsense.
Stranger C: I know where that bad smell comes from. It’s him.
Strangers: Just get lost! Dirty man!
Prince: Oh I’m sorry. I’m not a dirty man. My feet are really disgusting.
（Prince continues to walk.）
-
SCENE III
Ada: There was a princess who couldn’t sleep in "Beauty country."
Although king and queen tried many methods, she still couldn’t sleep.
Ada: The king and the queen are very worried about their daughter. Then, they finally found a perfect solution after several trials and failures…
（In the palace.）
Queen: I am the queen!
King: Of course I am the king!
Queen: You never care about your daughter!!!
King: So…what happened to our baby?
Queen: My dear daughter can’t sleep!
King: So…what can we do?
（Queen brings many kinds of pills to her daughter.）
King: Oh~my dear, just take them all.
Princess: Take them all? Are you sure?
King: Yes!
Princess: （Take medicine） I still can’t sleep me still can’t sleep!
（Try another method.）
King: Hey my dear! Dad teaches you a good way to fall sleep: Counting Sheep.
Princess: 1 sheep 2 sheep 3 sheep ……
（Try a third method.）
Queen: I know a girl with a beautiful voice. Maybe she can make our daughter sleep.
King: Yes yes! （Open the door） Is she the one? （See Ada）
Queen: Oh~no!
King: Is she the one?
Queen: Of course! Please start singing!
Rita: I am a magic singer. （Clean the throat.） Can I start to sing?
Rita: Baby sleep. Baby sleep. Baby hurry to sleep. Everybody sing with me…
Princess: Shut up! Get out of here!!
King: I think these methods are not good ideas. We’ll think of better ideas.
Queen: Hum…I have an idea…maybe we can……
King: You can say that again.
Queen: Let’s get ready.
（King and queen are preparing …）
Princess: Daddy! Mommy! It’s time to sleep! Don’t forget to take medicine.
（King and queen are disguised as ghosts in order to scare the princess to sleep.）
King: Oh, no! It didn’t work. Maybe we should get help from people.
Queen: OK! （Point to Ada） You just do it. Go out on the streets and find some help.
-
SCENE IV
（Prince walks in the Beauty Country and looks at a crowd of people. Some people try to make the princess sleep.）
Prince: （To himself.） A woman among the crowd: I’ve tried several ways and still they didn’t work! I think I can make the princess sleep! Can I try?
King & Queen: Yes! It’s our pleasure. Please try.
Prince: Thank you! （Take his shoes off and put his feet in front of the princess’s face.） Sorry! My dear princess!
Princess: Oh! Your feet smell so awful. I can’t breathe and I want to sleep.
King & Queen: Oh no! My dear~ What happened to you? Don’t scare us!
（King touches her nose to check if the princess breathes.）
King: She’s still breathing. She just fell asleep.
（Queen hugs the Princess.）
Queen: Thank you! Oh, thank God! My dear baby finally fell asleep.
King: （To the prince.） Oh! Thank you! We are very lucky to meet you.
Prince: I can’t believe it! My disgusting feet have magic power!!
Queen: Oh! Don’t say that! They are not disgusting at all. Congratulations! You are going to marry my dear daughter.
King: Yes! This is a happy ending.
Ada: Whenever the princess couldn’t sleep, all she had to do was to smell the prince’s stinky feet. And then, she would sleep very well. In the end, the prince and the princess lived happily together.
英语搞笑话剧剧本（二）
旁白：话说梁山伯和祝英台59年前一同来到刚刚成立的吉林农业大学学习英语。梁山伯酷爱口语师从口语老师邓大付学习美国口语，尤其擅长模仿马丁"路德"金的演讲。（旁白暂停，邓英文"I have a dream "）。祝英台一心梦想出国，梦想有朝一日成为BBC主持人（旁白暂停，祝英文"this is BBC…）最终祝英台以托福和GRE高分的成绩被哥伦比亚大学录取。在祝英台临走的那一天，梁山伯十八里相送在天河机场与祝英台缠绵告别。
L: Yingtai ,I love you so much and I’ll miss you so much.!
Z: I love you, too! Don’t worry. Shanbo I only love you in this wild world. I’ll marry you as soon as I’m back. Wait for me just for two years.
L: I’ll kiss you across the Pacific Ocean.
Z: I’ll kiss you from the other side. Wait for me. BoBo
旁白：一周以后，祝英台从美国打来越洋电话。
L:Oh, Sweetie, Yintai I miss you so much, miss you every minute every second. Oh my dear. Are you listening to me?
Z: Listen, Liang Shanbo. I’m calling to tell you that I loved you. But I think you’d better find a better girl.
L: What? Pardon?
Z: Because I’ll get married.
L: Married ? to who?
Z: To 英俊潇洒风流倜傥玉树临风的Ma Wencai He is so handsome. So rich, even richer than Yu Minhong. And he is good at 葵花宝典。I love his money and I love his body.
L: What are you talking about? You wait and see. I’ll give you some color to see see. I’ll kill you! I will kill you in America!
Z: America? You can come to America? Hahahaha
旁白：祝英台的无端背叛深深伤害了梁山伯脆弱的心灵，他发下毒誓：不杀祝英台誓不为人。于是重新来到新东方书院学习托福和GRE.当然他没有忘记用老生证可以优惠20块钱。为了能飞越重洋去杀掉祝英台，他每天提醒自己有一个梦想。
I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and lives out the true meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal. I have a dream that one day I will kill Zhu Yingtai right in America. It is a dream that deeply rooted in my heart. In my heart.
旁白：一年之后，梁山伯也来到了美国，四处寻找祝英台的下落。终于在纽约街头找到他当年的爱人祝英台，而她正和马文才卿卿我我。
L:Zhu Yingtai, long time no see, huh? Who am I ? I’m Liang Shanbo. I’m here to kill you.
Z: Liang…shanbo. Oh, Wencai. He is crazy. He will kill me.
M: You! Get out of here.
L: You! Get out of here!
M: 电话来了。Hello, I’m in wuhan. Ok ok I’ll come right now
Z: Please don’t go. Just stay, please. He’ll kill me.
M: I know! But if I stay, he’ll kill me by the way
Z: You told me you were good at 葵花宝典？
M: Sorry, I’m not good at 葵花宝典。 I’m just good at 新华字典。
Z: Oh,you liar. Just get out of here!! （to Liang Shanbo） Oh,darling, you must kill me?
L: Yes, I have to. Because I hate you more than I can say.
Z: （sing）When we were young, we listened to the MP三， you said you’d love me forever. Don’t kill me,ok? Shanbo. I qiu qiu ni
L: No door! （sing） Where you go, whatever you say, I’ll be right here killing you. I only know I was born to love you or to kill you. Now I can’t love you, the only choice is to kill you.
Z: 曾经Once upon a time, there was a true love in front of me, I didn’t cherish it.If I was to meet him again, I wish to say I love you. If you would ask me how long I would love him, I should say ten thousand years. That man is you The only man I love in this wild world is you. Only you.（sing）
L: The only woman I want to kill is on-ly you!!
Z: Please, you know I love you. I love you just like laoshu ai dami. I want to marry you.
L: hehehe Really?
Z: Oh, of course. Please don’t kill me!!!!
L: To kill or not to kill is a question. I don’t know. Who can tell me? I put her life in your hands. Everybody here, please tell me kill or not kill?
（to kill）
L: You hear this. I ‘m sorry. But don’t worry , I’ ll go to heaven together with you.
Z: All right kill me, then we’ll become two butterflies in the beautiful garden（sing）
（sing）
Z: 亲爱的你别杀我
杀了我你也没有好结果
L: 亲爱的我也不想杀
可是大家非得要我杀
呵呵呵呵，呵呵呵呵呵呵！
英语搞笑话剧剧本（三）
旁白（Aside ）/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, "Yingzheng". But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? （画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状） Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? （向幕里大叫） Where is my minister?
阿三（毕恭毕敬） : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me "my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan"!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II
（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荆轲
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荆轲
Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意
李莫愁
Come on!
音乐起
两人冲上前来
"人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊…"
李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲： We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to "How are you"?
荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero,we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三（手指上场的美女，激动状）： Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say OK., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯； Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）
荆柯（诚恳状） Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹，阿三在后。
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂（流泪） :I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. （哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》）
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor… promise me you will survive… that you will never give up… no matter what happens… no matter how hopeless… promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）。
妻子："I promise."
荆轲："Never let go. "
妻子："I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子（掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机）： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng
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